The Lighter Side Of The UFC

I’ve always been fascinated by the UFC’s dichotomy between violence and comedy. For a sport that was born from two men beating the snot out of each other, there certainly are some funny things that go down in and out of the Octagon. As we catch our breath from UFC 67 and gear up for UFC 68, I thought it would be a welcome departure to look at some of the UFC’s funniest moments. With so many to choose from, I’ve tried to narrow down my choices to the five that can still make me laugh. A timeless article (from last year) by MMA Mania's Jesse Holland.

5. Go with the KenFlo

Kenny Florian, despite his talent, gets quite a bit of heat from UFC fans. I’m sure it has a lot to do with his stint on The Ultimate Fighter, an experience that can vault you into the main event of a pay-per-view while simultaneously branding you with a Scarlet Letter. Most of the gags are cheap and childish, like the comparisons to Ben Stiller and Kevin Richardson from The Backstreet Boys. There does exist however, one juicy nugget for which Florian can blame no one but himself. Back at UFC 64 KenFlo was pitted against the heavily favored Sean Sherk for the vacant lightweight title. Outmatched and obviously out-muscled, Florian spent most of the fight on the run. Do you remember as a child when you would tear-ass through the house and Mom would yell at you to watch where you’re going? Looks like KenFlo called in sick for that particular lesson.

While attempting to escape the shoot, Florian pulls a Mark Hominick and runs for the hills. Keep in mind an Octagon has eight sides, and boy those support beams just come out of nowhere don’t they? Wham, Bam, thank you Kenny Florian.

4. Dream Warriors
There’s knockout power, and then there’s Chuck Liddell. The Iceman’s put more people to sleep than Rick Perry (Sorry about that Texans). While most opponents go down quietly, there are the few warrior spirits who refuse to lose, even in an altered state.

At UFC 62, Renato “Babalu” Sobral decided one highlight reel knockout wasn’t enough and made the conscious decision to bumrush the sports most dangerous counter-puncher. Unfazed, Liddell kicked it into reverse and let his hands do the talking. A few bombs later, Sobral was counting sheep – or was he? Critics of the stoppage cried foul, claiming Babalu, while hurt, was still attempting a submission hold.

I understand their argument, and it is certainly valid, but if you’re going for a leg-lock, it should be on your opponent, not the referee. In his punch-drunk confusion, Babalu turned on the one man who swooped in to save him: Big John McCarthy.

I’ve seen ref’s knocked out by an errant punch in the heat of battle, but I’ve never seen one submitted. On August 26 of 2006, Big John almost became the first.
3. The Country Breakfast

Matt Hughes is known for a lot of things. Arrogance, dominance, Hollandaise sauce? The boys down at Xyience had the right idea in the beginning. The first few commercials had The Iceman (and sometimes Forrest Griffin) running uphill in the desert and talking tough into the camera. Not exactly Fellini, but we got the point. Then they decided a Clio Award was within reach and churned out that dreadful Rich Franklin piece that has him teaching class to a group of dim-witted rejects from the set of TRL. “Duh, do you use Xyience Mr. Franklin?” Blech.

And here I thought they had reached the bottom of the barrel until lo and behold there he is, the most dominant welterweight of our time, bailing hay and slurping down Farina to remind us what a good ol’ boy he is (and causing Denver Pyle to roll over in his grave). Actually, it wasn’t the Xyience bar/country breakfast parallels that had me in stitches. It was the priceless few seconds of Hughes getting out of a limousine into the onslaught of flash photography. Look closely and you’ll notice he’s standing on a red carpet as he waves to the press and his legions of fans. Yeah. Uh-huh. I know the UFC has exploded, but I don’t see Matt Hughes getting an Oscar invite just yet.

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2. The Real Huntington Beach Bad Boy

Long before Tito Ortiz ever stepped foot into the Octagon, there was another fighter from Huntington Beach that captivated fans around the world. I am referring of course to Joe Son, founder of Joesondo; his unholy and paltry mix of Tae Kwon Do and Judo. For our newer fans that never saw him in action, just picture Oddjob in a Speedo.

The first time I saw Joe Son was at UFC 4, when in true Kimo fashion he broadcast his religious beliefs by dragging a giant cross to the ring – on his back. The only problem was that Joe Son was a mere 5’4″ tall, and weighed a portly 236 pounds. By the time he reached the cage, he was already gassed. Then he had the unenviable task of facing competent Kenpo master Keith Hackney (best known as “The Giant Killer” for toppling the 6’8″ 600lb. monster Emmanuel Yarborough at UFC 3). The fight ensues and Joe Son ends up on his back, holding on to Hackney with a guillotine-turned-headlock. Hackney inexplicably decides it’s okay to violate every man-law in existence and starts firing closed-fist strikes straight into Joe Son’s genitals. These were not glancing blows -- they were direct hits. Ouch. While every male viewer at home and in person doubled over in sympathy pain, Joe Son kept right on truckin’, unfazed by the attempted murder of his Mini-Son. He eventually submitted via choke, but in defeat carved out his name in the annals of UFC lore. Joe Son: Balls of Steel.

1. Shit Happens. No Really, It Does.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the Holy Grail of UFC comedy. Would you be surprised if I told you it involved former Heavyweight Champ Tim Sylvia? Of course not.

It happened a few years ago at Ultimate Fight Night 3. The Maine-iac faced off against Brazilian roadblock Assuerio Silva. His performance left a lot to be desired, especially considering his previous fight ended with a highlight-worthy head kick to Tra Telligman. In fact, it was the shittiest performance since Kevin Randleman defeated Renato Sobral at UFC 35. Yes, I mean that literally.

Never one to shy away from self-deprecating humor (just see his stint on Blind Date for proof of that), Sylvia goes on the MMAweekly radio show and admits to the world that he was a little under the weather that night and in fact, had soiled himself during the contest. Whatever they pay the guy who cleans the floor of the cage after the fights, it couldn’t possibly be enough.

So to anyone who thinks it was a dumb idea for Travis Lutter to admit he was unmotivated to fight for the title (instead of acting devastated and pretending he really tried to make weight), I give you the undisputed champion of dumb admissions. Informing the world you were ill and as a result turned in a sub-par performance is both understandable and acceptable. Conceding that your performance was hampered by chocolate trunks, is not.

And for the safety of digested lunches everywhere, this is one comedic moment that will not be accompanied by video.

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RAW Results

As I predicted, a busy and forgettable pre-PPV RAW. The opening divas segment, which involved them shooting each other with water guns and sliding all around, was absolutely worthless. I watch RAW to see wrestling, not to see something I could probably witness any night of the week at school. This followed with Shane's discussion of his 2 on 3 match later that night and the announcement (many of you knew about this already) that the three hour RAW on June 11th will feature a tri-branded draft. Who will draft and which wrestlers will be eligible remains to be seen. The Irish Whip has done a few segments on this, including my award-winning column "The Invasion Is Dead" along with a more insightful version done by Jared (which I can't find right now).

The 8 man tag (Hardys and Cade & Murdoch vs. World's Greatest and Kenny & Nitro) was good, but not great. Of course, it had its moments involving Jeff Hardy and Johnny Nitro, but it went on too long and ended with Shelton Benjamin holding a microphone. Nothing kills a segment quicker than giving that man a mic. Maybe Bobby Lashley. Thankfully, it ended with the announcement of a Ladder Match at One Night Stand (I thought it would be TLC), but I would rather have seen Kenny & Nitro in the match than the World's Greatest Tag Team. At this point, I'll take what I can get.

The RVD-Randy Orton match was probably the highlight of the night with both men being the excellent technical wrestlers that they are. For the majority of the match, RVD used his high flying ability to shine above Orton, but this was quickly squashed when it was time to kick RVD out of the WWE. I hate that Vince feels the need to get rid of wrestlers in this manner, but since he does, I'll at least give credit to the one and only RVD and note that he took it like a man. As it was happening, I kept asking myself why Bret Hart couldn't have exited like this.

Carlito then came out to absolutely zero reaction from the fans. I always think it's entertaining when the WWE tries to turn a wrestler too hard and instead of getting a strong reaction one way or the other, they get nothing. The match was actually decent, and I always enjoy watching a male wrestler perform a dangerous finisher to a 95 lb. female diva. Let's call this the second bright spot after the first half of the RVD-Randy Orton match.

Finally, we come to the...main event, for which I have nothing good to say. I'm so tired of seeing these big oafs lumber around the ring in triple the time it would take Chris Benoit to do the same thing. I refuse to waste more potential sandwich making time on the likes of Lashley, Umaga, Cena, and Khali. The best part of this match, BY FAR, was that we got to see Shane McMahon wrestle.

Last week's polls have been closed, ending with the following results:
66% of respondents think that Mr. Kennedy has been the most devastating injury in the WWE.
60% of respondents think that Chuck Liddell should fight the winner of Rampage-Henderson, with 40% thinking that the loser should be awarded an immediate rematch.

A note to our readers: next week, the url for The Irish Whip will be changing to irishwhip.blogspot.com instead of benanddrew.blogspot.com. Please change your bookmarks accordingly.

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Guys I Like

So I know we spend the majority of our time on here bashing wrestlers, decisions, cards, and anything else we can get our hands on, but the truth is, I love the WWE. I wouldn't watch it if I didn't. It provides a kind of scripted entertainment which few of the greatest classic sports moments can rival. Taking all of this into consideration, I decided to make a list of guys who I just like.

Edge: A fantastic wrestler, trained by Stu Hart and Dory Funk Jr. (you guys know I put a ton of stock into the trainer(s)) has emerged as THE complete wrestler in the WWE. He can take bumps, he can give bumps, he can technically wrestle till hell freezes over, and boy can he work that mic. The best on the mic since DX and The Rock, Edge has vastly improved from a non-speaking "enigma" to someone I actually want to listen to. I think I'm still laughing from his Money In The Bank segment in which he referred to King Booker as "King Booka" and asked Matt Hardy "Why are you here?"

Johnny Nitro: Another naturally gifted athlete, Nitro has the unique ability to adapt to his opponents style, creating matches that are just fun to watch. A co-winner of the third season of Tough Enough, Nitro reminds me of a young Shawn Michaels. Charismatic, athletic, and all the tools needed to be a force in this business for another decade.



Kenny: I get shit from Drew for this, but I honestly like Kenny. I think that if he wasn't pigeon-holed into these shitty gimmicks, he'd be well-respected instead of a huge joke. Actually, I think he would've made a nice fit in the newest DX. Kenny was trained by Killer Kowalski and that in itself is enough for me to trust that he knows what he's doing. The WWE just needs to give him, not Chris Masters, the push. (It only took me half a post to start bashing the WWE's decisions...back to positivity...now.)

The Miz: Shut up, Drew. I love The Miz. What isn't there to like about a genuine guy who has always wanted to be a wrestler? It's like if I were good looking and strong and worked really hard and one day, I made it into the WWE. The product would be the creation of the ultimate face, which is what The Miz brings to the business. He's someone everyone can love. I know he was trained by Al Snow, who is no Killer Kowalski, but I still think he's got enough appeal and ability to have a successful career.

Marcus Cor Von: Whether you want to call him Monty Brown, The Alpha Male, or MCV, this guy (trained by Stu Hart and Dan Severn) can flat out put on a show. He showed us this during his match with CM Punk, another one of the most highly touted recruits the WWE has. In that match, however, it was Cor Von, not Punk, who ran the pacing of the match and looked like he had been in the company for ten years. Cool moves, a fun gimmick, and ability (rare for one of McMahon's big men) are what make MCV one of my favorites.

RVD: Do I even need to explain this one? Who doesn't like RVD? The last man to really stand up to Vince and the influx of non-extreme wrestlers into ECW, RVD has one of the most innovative move sets I've ever seen. He's like a more athletic Shawn Michaels, if that's even possible. RVD is the Jesus of wrestling; there's no move you could explain that he couldn't pull off. He always puts on a show for the fans, even when he's in the midst of contract negotiations, and I know I'll miss him greatly in a few months.

The Sandman: This drinking, smoking, overweight extremist has to be one of the most interesting men to ever step into the squared circle. From his entrance to his look to his general lack of interest in the match itself, The Sandman is always worth watching. Is he a good wrestler? Not even close. Does he have the physique of any of the other men on this list? Hell no. If I could choose four men to put into an extreme rules match, would The Sandman be one of them? You bet.



For the love of RVD, PLEASE write comments to our blogs. I'm not talking about the other writers who post on my stuff to make me feel good about myself; I'm talking about all you out there who read us on a daily basis. Let us know you're out there! Tell us if you agree. Yell at us if you don't. We don't really care; we just want to hear from you!

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Overrated/Underrated Superstars

Since the Matt Hardy post generated a good deal of commentary and Drew reminded us all of the classic literary form of the list, I thought it would be fun to combine both and take a look at the most overrated and underrated wrestlers currently employed by the WWE.

Overrated wrestlers:
5. King Booker. He used to be a good wrestler in his WCW days, but age and a terrible gimmick have taken a serious toll on the man who used to delight us with that spinning thing. He shouldn't be anywhere near a title shot.

4. Umaga. I know he's from the family that produced The Rock, Rikishi, The Wild Samoans, and Yokozuna, but he's just not interesting to watch. Thank God that the powers that be prevented him from ever beating Cena for the title.



3. Matt Hardy. See previous post.

2. Batista. Another one of McMahon's over-muscled favorites, Batista features a limited move set and virtually no mic skills. Without his huge push, he'd just be another Chris Masters.

1. John Cena. The current champ spends his time defeating future legends with a crappy finisher and generally not being able to wrestle. His good mic skills make him a serviceable champion, but not a good wrestler, and certainly not the Hall of Famer he is painted to become.

Underrated wrestlers:
5. Kenny. I think Kenny has been mishandled. First, he was put with the misfit Spirit Squad. Next, he was forced to wear pink tights and main card RAW. What we really have here is a young Owen Hart: whiny, athletic, and trained by the best (Stu Hart and Killer Kowalski, respectively).

4. The Undertaker. I know, I know. How could one of the most decorated champions of all-time make it onto my underrated list? Well, people still doubt The Dead Man. Every year, there are more and more groans about the age and ability of Taker, and yet he continues to show up, most recently evidenced by his over-the-top-rope dive onto Batista at WrestleMania 23.

3. Shelton Benjamin. Another case of names gone wrong (Does anyone know anyone named Bobby Lashley or Kenny Dykstra?!). Benjamin, a two-time state wrestling champion and Ohio Valley product, has all the moves and the looks to make it big in the WWE. Now all he needs is a name and a push.

2. Carlito. Carlito has a downright nasty move set and yet he's stuck with Ric Flair. I know that the Flair dynamic was supposed to make him a better wrestler and more recognizable, but he didn't even make WrestleMania this year. Missing chances to perform on the greatest stage in the world is going to hurt Carlito in the long run, keeping him as one of the most underrated wrestlers.

1. Mr. Kennedy. Yes, the future of the sport (according to Drew's list) is also the most underrated (according to me). Again, I have a problem with the generic yet odd gimmick name. Mr. Kennedy has a unique mix of power, speed, and flight which is seen in few wrestlers. Some of the most versatile (Rob Van Dam, Shawn Michaels) can combine two, but not three. Kennedy needs to develop a more defined personality so he can avoid showing up on this list in a few months.


Please comment on the board with your own lists.

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